


Possibilities

by helsinkibaby



Category: FBI (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Het, Pregnancy Scare, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:07:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/pseuds/helsinkibaby
Summary: On her first week back in the field, there’s something bothering Kristen.
Relationships: Kristen Chazal/Jubal Valentine
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Possibilities

**Author's Note:**

> So over on tumblr, ginghampearlsnsweettea asked if I would ever do a Jubal/Kristen fic about a pregnancy scare. I don’t think she expected it to be this long!

“Hey, can I ask you something?” 

Kristen is just buckling her seatbelt as Maggie asks the question and she blinks in surprise as she looks across at the other agent. Maggie’s not looking at her, instead she’s staring straight ahead out the window, hands on the steering wheel in a perfect ten and two formation. Kristen would almost think she was going to ask for directions, if it wasn’t for the furrow of her brow, the set of her jaw, the way her knuckles were stark white against the black of the wheel. 

“Sure,” Kristen says. It’s probably useless to say anything else - in her experience, if Maggie has something to say, it’ll get said sooner or later. 

“How are you?” The question catches Kristen by surprise, makes her tilt her head to one side and when Maggie looks over at her and sees that, she’s scrambling. “I mean, being back out on the street again. Because it’s your first week back and you’re with me and not Stuart and I know both of those things are a huge adjustment. And I’m not saying this because you’re not doing a good job, you’re doing a great job. But you just seem a little... I don’t know, off, somehow? And I wanted you to know, you can talk to me. Y’know, if you need to.” 

Kristen bites her lip, looks down at her hands and wonders when she’d twisted her fingers together. She knows exactly what Maggie is talking about, knows the reason is nowhere near what Maggie thinks it is. Just like she also knows that thIs is not a conversation she should have now, not on the clock, not in an FBI service vehicle. She knows what she has to do and that’s smile sweetly, assure Maggie she’s fine, just a little skittish because the last time she was out in the field she almost bled to death and hope that the bad memories will be enough to silence the two of them. Which, fine, mightn’t be the most adult way of dealing with things and definitely not the way to treat a friend, but needs must. 

She takes a deep breath, looks across at Maggie and opens her mouth to say just that. 

The words that come out are something different. 

“I’m late.” 

Maggie’s eyes narrow before they dart to the dashboard clock. “You have an appointment? You never said...” There’s genuine confusion on her face, in her voice and it makes Kristen want to laugh. Then again, that could be hysteria threatening to set in. 

“No... no.” She shakes her head because in for a penny, in for a pound and there’s no walking this back now. “I’m late.”

This time, she puts extra emphasis on the last word and she knows the second the meaning lands with Maggie. Her eyes go wide and her jaw drops a little as she says, “Oh.” There’s a moment’s pause then, “Oh,” again, this time a little louder. Then she screws up her eyes, shakes her head, her ponytail swinging from side to side crazily. “I’m sorry... I’m just...” She opens her eyes, gives Kristen an apologetic look. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.” She stops, eyes darting left and right as if something else has occurred to her. “Or not. If you’re not, that’s okay too, no judgement. I just... shit. This is not coming out right.” 

Which is possibly the understatement of the decade and combined with the incipient hysteria of moments earlier, all Kristen can do is laugh. Letting her head fall back against the headrest, she gives into the impulse and when she looks over at Maggie again, her friend looks equal parts relieved and embarrassed. “I am seeing someone,” she admits, words which turn relief into the primary emotion on Maggie’s face. “For a while now, actually. I just don’t talk about it at work because...” She shrugs, unable to explain the real reason, settling on, “I don’t want to bring my personal life into the office.” Which, she thinks, has the virtue of only being half a lie. It’s really that she doesn’t want to bring her personal life any more into the office. If she’d wanted to keep it out of the office entirely, she wouldn’t have started a relationship with the unit’s Assistant Special Agent In Charge. 

But Maggie doesn’t - can’t - know that so Kristen hurries on. “It’s... well, I think it’s serious. For me it is. But we’ve never sat down and talked about it, I don’t know what he’s thinking...” 

“He’s thinking that he’s lucky to have you and he’d be an idiot to let you go.” Maggie speaks with such authority that for a second Kristen is almost afraid that she knows she’s talking about Jubal and she has to bite back a string of apologies for not coming clean sooner. “And if he’s not, you need to introduce me to him so I can set him straight.” 

Her friend’s fierce loyalty makes Kristen smile. “I’ll pass that on,” she says dryly, and Maggie gives a firm little nod like she’s pleased with that outcome. “But even if he does see a future with me...” And even putting the idea out loud into the universe, even entertaining the idea of her and Jubal together forever sends a giddy little rush through her; who the hell is she and what has happened to her? She’s never been one of those women who mopes about over a guy, had never wanted to be. Now one mention of the future and she’s practically planning her application for “Say Yes To The Dress.” 

“You don’t think he’d want a baby? Like he’s not dad material?” Kristen can hear the hesitation in Maggie’s voice, like she’s afraid she’s saying something Kristen won’t want to hear. She’s not to know that this is the one thing that Kristen, even though she’s never had that conversation with Jubal, is absolutely clear about. 

“Oh my god, Maggie... so much the opposite, I can’t even tell you.” Because she’s heard Jubal talk about his kids for years, she’s seen the videos on his cell phone and she’s hidden in the other room so she won’t be in sight during video calls. She’s even met them a couple of times, a trip to the park, another one for ice cream, short and innocuous, nothing to upset the kids or perhaps even more important, Jubal’s ex-wife. She’s seen the way he lights up around Tyler and Abigail, knows how much he adores them. There is absolutely no doubt in her mind that he’d be equally as besotted with a baby of their own and on the occasions that she’s tried to picture that - Jubal holding an infant that looks suspiciously like every baby picture her mom has ever embarrassed her with - her heart has felt like it was going to burst with a combination of joy and fear. Because while Jubal might be ready to be a dad again, she’s not so sure she’s ready to be a mom. “Probably enough dad material to dress every guy in Manhattan.” 

Maggie looks impressed. “That’s a lot of ugly dad sweaters,” she decides, grinning when Kristen giggles. 

“I’ve just never thought of having a baby,” she admits. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for it... if it’s the right time...” 

“Is anyone ever really ready?” Maggie wrinkles her nose, her eyes far away suddenly as she considers the question. “I think if everyone waited for the right time, the human race would have died out long ago.” 

“Did you and Jason ever-” The second the words leave her lips, Kristen clamps them shut, shakes her head. “You know what, never mind. I shouldn’t have asked that.” 

“It’s okay. Really.” Maggie shrugs, and there’s an almost smile on her lips that makes Kristen think she might be telling the truth. “We talked about it. Weighed up all our options. I was pretty happy in White Collar, doing a lot of desk based work... we were thinking about it. Then...” She shrugs again, doesn’t need to complete the sentence. “When I lost him... at the funeral... I overheard one of his aunts say that at least he hadn’t left behind any kids, that I was young and I’d have ‘other chances’.” She makes air quotes around the words, chuckles ruefully at the look of shock that Kristen knows is on her face. “Yeah. Auntie Dell didn’t have the best reputation for tact.” She grimaces theatrically. “But enough about me, back to you. We need to get you to a doctor. Or at least get you a test.” 

Kristen’s stomach twists at the thought of actually doing that. It was bad enough when all she’d had was her suspicions. “If I do that,” she whispers, “then it’s real.” 

“Kristen...” Maggie’s hand closes over hers, squeezes tightly. “If you are pregnant, you can’t bury your head in the sand forever. I mean, sooner or later, it’s gonna get pretty obvious.” The gentle tease brings tears to Kristen’s eyes and Maggie squeezes her hand again. “Look, there’s a drugstore around the corner from the office. I’ll run in and get you one.” Kristen lifted both eyebrows and she held up her hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t make you take it in the restroom. Just... do it soon, okay?”

Taking in a deep breath, Kristen nods. “Okay.” 

She should have known it wouldn’t be as easy as that though, because the second she walks back into the office, the second Jubal sees her face, her eyes narrow and the furrows on his forehead deepen. Cursing his ability to read her with a look, she studiously ignores him, briefs him and Isobel on what she and Maggie found out, concentrating her gaze on Isobel as much as possible. When OA asks where Maggie is, she tells them that she had to run an errand and, five minutes later when Maggie appears with a tray of takeout coffee, one for everyone, she’s relieved that her friend covered her tracks so well, even when she tells her “Emergency candy is back in your bottom drawer,” and Stuart picks that moment to lean in and glance between them. 

“Maggie, if you’re gonna go shopping, you should give everyone a chance to put in an order.” 

“Sorry, Stuart,” Maggie says blithely, raising her coffee to her lips. “It was a... female thing.” She’s not lying, but Stuart interprets it exactly as she meant him to and, proving that plenty of men really don’t want to hear about female things, Stuart’s cheeks drain of all colour and he spins back on his chair, spluttering apologies. 

His reaction makes both women grin but when Kristen turns her head to see Jubal watching her, all amusement vanishes very quickly. 

It could be her imagination, paranoia run amok, but she’s sure she feels his gaze following her around a little more often than usual that afternoon. She does her best to ignore it, to concentrate on the job, on the case at hand, not on his eyes, not on his barely concealed frown and certainly not on the brown paper bag currently sitting in her desk drawer. Clocking off time can’t come soon enough and as she slips the paper bag into her purse, pulls on her coat, it’s the first time that day she’s met Jubal’s gaze. 

The half smile he gives her doesn’t warm her like it usually does. 

She goes straight home, sits on the couch and waits for him to arrive and barely ten minutes after she’s walked in the door, she hears the sound of a key in the lock. “Kris? You there?” He knows she is and he doesn't even hang up his coat. He's pulling it off as he walks towards her, tosses it over the back of the couch as he starts to come around to sit down beside her. And she knows that he doesn't mean to, but the obvious concern etched into every furrow on his brow, shadowing his usually smiling eyes, makes her eyes suddenly smart with tears. 

Fine, with the way today's been going, that's not such a hard thing to accomplish, but he doesn't know that. 

Before he can reach her, she pushes herself to stand up, her knees literally shaking and his face falls further as he gets a proper look at her, one that's not from across the JOC or with her hiding at her desk. "Kris?" His voice is gentle, impossibly gentle, and she swallows hard, wraps her arms around her middle. 

"I'm late."

They're the same words that she'd said to Maggie earlier in the day, but to his credit, Jubal gets to their meaning far quicker than Maggie had. Kristen sees that, because she can read him with a look just the same as he can read her and she sees the change in his expression, the way his face shifts from confusion to understanding in a second, the way his eyes widen and brighten, the way an unmistakable smile curls up his lips for a split second before his face slams shut, neutrality taking over as he seems to realise that she might not be as happy about this as he obviously is. 

"You're... pregnant?" he asks, slowly, a pause between the two words and she knows he's trying to keep any emotion out of his voice but she can hear it there anyway, joy bubbling underneath the surface. He frowns, reaches for her and she wants to throw herself into his arms, she wants to run away from him, throw herself down onto her bed and cry into her pillow because this should be a joyous moment for both of them and she’s never been more confused. 

She stands, frozen, exactly where she is. 

All she can do is whisper, "I don't know," and those are the words that break the dam, that have tears sliding down her cheeks. 

He doesn't say anything to that. What he does is something better. He crosses to her and pulls her into his arms, her head resting on his chest, her arms hanging limply by her sides as she cries. He wraps his arms tightly around her, just holds her, doesn't move until she's ready to lift her head, to look into his eyes and when she does that, he cups her face in his hands and brushes her tears away. 

"Okay, so we need to get a test. Then we'll know what we're dealing with." He twists his head towards the front door. "I'm sure there's an all night drugstore a few blocks over, I'll go-"

"I have one." The words are punctuated with a sniff. Maybe that's why he looks so surprised. "I talked to Maggie at lunch," she explains. "She stopped on the way back and bought one." 

Jubal nods. "A female thing.” He says it with the air of someone who's just solved a mystery because they both know there are not and have never been candy bars in her bottom drawer. Then he tilts his head and narrows his eyes. "I'm glad Stuart's sweet tooth didn't make an appearance this afternoon." 

The idea of what her ever so serious, please don't talk to me about feelings or anything personal ever, partner would have done if he'd put his hand into the brown paper bag expecting candy but finding a pregnancy test makes Kristen laugh out loud. 

"Yeah," she admits. "It's in my purse." She takes a deep breath, more to try to calm her speeding heart. "If I am..."

"If you are..." His hands close over her shoulders, fingers squeezing gently. "If you are, then we'll deal with it, whatever way you want. Together." 

Her chin starts to tremble and she presses her lips together in a vain effort to try to stop it. "Okay," she breathes when she can talk again. Another deep breath and she goes to her purse, extracts the brown paper bag that she'd so carefully placed at the bottom and makes her way towards the bathroom. True to his word, Jubal is with her every step of the way, at least until she gets to the door, and then he stops a couple of steps back. 

"I know I said together, but I don't think you meant that." It's said with a self-deprecating smile and she chuckles as she shakes her head, moving up onto her tiptoes and brushing a kiss across his lips. 

When she comes back out again, he's leaning against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. His head snaps around to her and she shrugs. "It says we have to wait two minutes." 

"Right... right." He holds out a hand to her and she takes it gladly, even more glad when he pulls her against him, pressing her body against his. She half expects him to start a conversation but he doesn’t, just holds her, hands never moving from their positions high on her back. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, concentrates on the sound of his heartbeat under her ear, his chest rising and falling against her cheek. For a man whose persona at work is one of constant movement, constant loud volume, the Jubal that she’s come to know in private is an entirely different proposition and she’s grateful for it now. Because when he’s holding her like this, it’s like there’s nothing else in the world, like there’s no way that any harm is going to come to her. He’s held her like this after far too many nightmares to count, when she woke up convinced she was lying in a warehouse in a pool of her own blood, when her heart would pound and her hands would shake and she was so convinced she’d never get back to normal, get back to where she wanted to be. Jubal’s quiet presence, his utter confidence in her had helped her more than she could ever tell him and it does the same thing now. 

Until the moment that she lifts her head. “That’s got to be two minutes, right?” 

Then he actually looks nervous as he nods. 

“Okay.” Another deep breath and, this time with her hand in his, she walks into the bathroom, her heart threatening to leap out of her chest, a full roaring in her ears whispering at the edge of her consciousness. 

The white plastic stick is still on the sink unit where she left it.

Her eyes zero in on it and she sees it instantly, not a pink cross but a thin pink line. 

She thinks the word but Jubal’s the one who says it. “Negative.” 

The word hangs in the air between them for a long moment. 

Then Kristen bursts into tears. 

She cries and cries until there are no tears left, deep wracking sobs that have her doubled over, sinking to her knees. Jubal’s arms are around her as he lowers them both to the ground, pulling her close against him. She buries her face in his chest and gives herself over to emotion and when she is spent, she lifts her head just enough to wipe her face before laying her cheek against his chest. “I don’t even know why I’m crying,” she hears herself say, her voice thick with tears and almost unrecognisable. 

“Shock... relief... maybe a little regret?” Once again, he proves how well he knows her because all three are swirled together inside her. “Even if you didn’t necessarily want this... plan for it... once it’s a possibility... it’s there.” 

She narrows her eyes. “But you wanted it.” He opens his mouth and closes it again quickly, looking like he doesn’t know what to say. She knows she’s right though. “I saw your face when I told you I was late... you looked so happy.” Her voice breaks on a fresh sob and she takes a deep breath to battle back another round of tears. She’s so sick of crying. 

Jubal takes a deep breath too. “Kris, I never thought about it until I walked in here tonight.” He says it so plainly that there’s no chance he’s lying to make her feel better. “But when I did...” Once again, his face lights up with that expression that makes her heart melt, makes her _want_ with a want that surprises her. “Come on, a new little person, fifty percent you, fifty percent me, what’s not to love, right?” He shrugs the shoulder she’s not leaning on. “Besides, the idea of getting another chance to get it right? It’s not without its appeal.” 

Kristen frowns at that, the words not making sense to her. “What do you mean, get it right?” She twists around to look at him, strangely indignant on his behalf. “You’re an amazing dad.” She considers telling him the exact details of her conversation with Maggie earlier on but decides against it. Girl talk is just that for a reason. 

There’s a small smile on Jubal’s face, half pleased, half wistful. “I guess I never really felt like I was there for Sam, not the way I should have been.” He inclines his head to the side, his eyes far away as he heaves a deep sigh. “If it wasn’t the job, it was the drinking and if it wasn’t the drinking, it was getting sober and if it wasn’t getting sober, it was staying sober...” He grimaces as he looks back down into her eyes. “Getting a chance to do it all again... do it better? It’s a nice thought.” 

Kristen nods at that, but doesn’t otherwise say anything because she’s still letting those words settle in her head. That gives Jubal the chance to lift his hand to her cheek, let his thumb trace a path up and down. “But, that’s me. It’s different for you, for a lot of reasons. And if it were to ever happen for us, I’d want us to both be on the same page about it.” 

She will not cry again, Kristen swears. She will not. 

Okay, so maybe she will a little bit. “Yeah?” 

“Kris... when my marriage ended, I thought that was it. I’d never find anyone to put up with me ever again. Then you come along... and then...” His breath hitches as his hand slides down to her neck, to the thin scar that she can hardly see but feels every day. “I almost lost you.” His voice is hoarse, choked. “And I swore, that day, if I got another second chance with you, I wouldn’t waste it. I still feel that way.” His thumb sweeps a path up and down the scar on her neck, sending goosebumps up and down her skin. Or maybe that’s just the way he’s looking at her. “If you decide you want a kid, if you decide you want a dozen kids, I’m fine with that. And if you don’t, that’s okay too. You are more than enough for me.” 

Tears are flowing freely down Kristen’s face again now and she wipes them away impatiently. She doesn’t want to cry, not when she’s hearing everything that she didn’t even know she wanted to hear. “I like the idea,” she says. “Maybe not a dozen. But like you said, half me, half you?” She can picture it as she talks, picture Jubal smiling down at a baby, their baby, and the idea makes her head swim pleasantly as it always did. Somehow, when he’s here with her, holding her, the scary sinking feeling isn’t floating around the edges anymore. “But it’s not the right time.” 

Jubal nods. “Because you’ve just gone back out in the field.” 

“I want to be a field agent,“ she tells him. “But it’s more than that. After everything that happened... I feel like I need to be back out there, I need to prove to myself I can do it. You know?” 

“I get that.” He leans in, kisses the top of her head. 

She shifts slightly, turning so that she can rest her hand over his heart. “Maybe we could talk about it in a year? See where we are?” He’s nodding again and she continues, “We probably shouldn’t leave it much later than that... I mean, you’re not getting any younger...” 

Jubal’s jaw drops open. “Oh!” He laughs as he tightens his arms around her, pulling her even closer to him. “Oh, so it’s like that?” 

“I’m sorry.” Even to her own ears, her giggling apology sounds anything but. “You’re just so much fun to tease...”

He makes a noise deep in the back of his throat. It’s a sort of amused growl, crossed with a groan. “Well since you brought it up, this floor isn’t great for my ancient back... how about we relocate to your very comfortable couch?” 

Kristen’s already standing by the time he’s finished the sentence. “Or my bed?” she suggests, holding out her hand to him, grinning as he closes his fingers around hers. 

“Our bed,” he says quietly when he’s standing in front of her and she doesn’t contradict him. Her eyes flutter shut as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and when she opens them again, he’s smiling down at her with such warmth, such love in his expression that she feels like she can breathe for the first time in days. 

“Our bed,” she agrees and his smile only widens and just like that, all her future possibilities are looking bright.


End file.
